Some of you may not realize that my family is leaving for a two week trip to London.  I was feeling badly for all of you who are stuck here so I decided to take you with us (virtually, of course).  I will be sending almost daily updates on our comings and goings, our exploits and adventures, our fun and folly, our... I'm sure you get the picture.  Because we will not be posting anything about our trip on Facebook, I will be emailing you instead.  If you email me requesting that I not send you these I will think you are joking and simply laugh. 

In order to get into the routine, I am starting tonight.  We are doing a home exchange, a family will be staying in our home while we are in theirs.  They are an English/Dutch family.  I created a detailed manual for our home.  Things like "the bathroom door gets stuck so pull really hard."  For my first installment I am sending you a few of the more important things that have been included in the manual.

·        South Florida is in the sub-tropics.  A common problem here is bugs.  We live in their home, not the other way around.  We get regular pest control, but there is only so much one can do to keep the little guys out.  The scariest looking bug you will most likely see we affectionately call the Palmetto Bug.  The range in size from ¾ of an inch to two inches.  While it is rare, they will fly to protect themselves.  You will almost certainly see some dying while you are here.  They will be lying on their backs with their little legs wiggling.  When you see one, you have a few choices.  You can do what I do and leave them to die (I have an irrational fear of them), squish them to put them (and you) out of misery, or sweep it up and toss it out in the yard for the fire ants to eat.  Which brings me to the next bug you should be warned of…fire ants.  If you find yourself walking in the grass, anywhere, I cannot stress that enough, anywhere, if you stop, look down right away to be sure you are not standing on a fire ant hill.  Their bites feel like burns.  You will not likely know that any are on you until one bites and then you start freaking out and they all start biting.  Just do what you can to avoid being bitten.  If you get bit a small blister will form, but nothing bad will happen unless you are allergic to them. 

·        If you have a medical need for either of the boys, our pediatrician sees visitors.  His name is J. Isaac.  He is a shy man, so don’t anticipate too much chatter.  I have been successful in getting him to chat with me, but it took twelve years of hard work before he ever said his first non-medical thing to me.  (He is the real reason I am going to London.  I figured if I could “break” him, maybe I can even get the English to speak to me.)

·        Zoey- she eats twice a day.  When we get up we give her fresh food, and around our dinner time we give her some more.  We refresh her water throughout the day.  For a special treat we give her ice in her water.  She loves that.  Zoey will want to sit in the dining room with you when you eat.  I chase her out, but she always comes back.  If she is not bothering you that’s fine, if she is put her outside.  Please, whatever you do, don’t give her anything to eat in the dining room.  If you want her to leave you alone you can say “Get” with a slightly southern accent.  It always seems to work for me.  It kind of sounds like “G’yet!”   Did you practice any southern vernacular in anticipation of your trip?  You might find it useful.  I would leave a “southern American English/English English dictionary” out for you if I had one.  (Ariel just told me that it is closer to “git” than “g’yet”).  She has never run away, Zoey that is, not Ariel.  Well… Ariel’s never run away either.  She did sneak out once, though.  Ariel, that is not Zoey. We can even leave the gate open for hours and she does not leave the yard.  I don’t prefer it, but a gate left open happens occasionally when there are so many people coming and going.

·        Our mail usually comes late afternoon, every day except Sunday, and we get lots.  Please get it daily.  You will notice that the mailbox has two doors.  If you close the back door ants will go in looking for a home, if you leave it open, they don’t.  Kind of crazy that opening the door discourages the bugs, while closing it encourages them. Hmmm… that makes me wonder if we are doing things all wrong with our house.  Speaking of which, I will leave some bug spray (mosquito repellant) and sunblock out for you.  Please don’t attempt to get a tan.  It will not likely happen, and instead you will get such a bad sunburn that when you return home all of your friends will laugh at you, and everyone here will know that you are a tourist.  Seriously, we can spot English tourists a mile away by their sunburns.  I don’t know about Dutch tourists.  Sometimes we confuse the two.

-Diana